I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
