I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
