ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I fill condoms, not promises.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
