im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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