you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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