I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
