I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
