You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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