these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
