Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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