i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
