why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
