we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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