we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize