the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
