At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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