I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
