quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
