Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
