my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
