Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
