you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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