I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
