And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
