I feel great
I just peed on a car
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize