Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she smelled like a LAN party
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
