Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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