Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize