Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
