Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
