Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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