okay pat passed out under dana's car
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
