I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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