All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
