When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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