WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
