He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
