Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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