Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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