I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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