My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
