you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
