Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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