I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My dick has a subreddit
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
