Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize