Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
