I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
