I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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