i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
