i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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