Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
