nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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