i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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