Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
