There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
