yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
