Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
