I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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