Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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