so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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