dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
