I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
