Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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