I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
