I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
