hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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