Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
