I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize