He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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