I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
