Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
