I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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