anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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