Cold hands, warm shart.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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