If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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