If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize