no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
