1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
