Why is your signature on my underwear?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
