dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
