I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize