is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
