ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
