I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
