final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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