"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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